"sunny side up mama"

a season to celebrate from our values

It's Friday after Thanksgiving here in the U.S.  My boys were all up and at'em bright and early this mornings, they heard the call of the ocean.  I'm slowly making my way into the day with a cup of tea and pumpkin pie.  A big bowl of seed garlic is waiting to be planted per my annual day after turkey tradition.  Some years ago in an attempt to find a way to remember to plant my garlic in an otherwise full season, I decided that it seemed fitting to swiftly follow a day of harvest celebration with planting and by making it always happen on this day, perhaps I stand a chance of getting it in the ground in time for the California winter rains for a timely summer harvest.  

My mom dropped in for a quick chat about "how we want to do the holidays this year" and it got me to thinking, maybe we would enjoy a similar chat here, together? 

How do you make your way through the holiday season?  Is is different every year?  Is it steeped in tradition?  What's the conversation around gift giving and receiving?  How do you gift?

I see gifting as a beautiful way to celebrate our family values.  From the reason behind why we choose to celebrate, to the way we do that, there are opportunities for digging in a bit deeper and bringing even more meaning to an already bedazzled season.

Clarity is the first step.  What is it that is really important to you?  What are your core values?  

A few of our core values around here, in no particular order are:

~ Kindness

~ Creativity, and time for it!

~ Nature, and time for it both in enjoyment, connection and in a stewardship sense.

~ Health, on a body/mind/spirit level

~ Family, and time for it :)

~ Community

So, how does that help with holiday planning?  For me, it helps a ton.  These values, and some more, are my guide and I'll be checking myself as I make my way through the next month.  

When my children ask for the newest piece of screen technology, or if they happened to do so, the conversation both with them, and with myself, would likely involve a real look at our values of Health, Family and Nature, oh, goodness, and the rest all play in as well.

Your values are likely to be different than mine, and translate into life in a way that's unique to you. The magic of knowing our own values is that we have a framework for creating our very own guide to live by, and allow us to leave behind the temptation to simply 'do as they do.' 

So, back to the technology conversation, how's it going to be used, how is that in relationship to creativity, time for community, family connection, brain development, physical movement and actually kindness, too, as often the transition from screen time back to interactive relationship is rough.  I would also be having a conversation about our value of Nature and the resources used in making that new gadget, and if that's a good trade or not.

We've had this conversation a time or two, can you tell?

As for Kindness and Family, this can be a real tightrope walk for me, as I try not to misstep along that journey between wanting to create quite a magical experience during this season for my family and also wanting to show up for my people with all the reserves to allow for easy kindness.  When I expect too much of myself, which I have done for years in December, I am more likely to be agitated and snippy, resulting in a downward spin ending in that moment my head hits the pillow in a could of regret and swearing tomorrow will be better.  But, today is all we know for sure, right now, and I want to feel kind towards my family in the now.  Often this means I choose one or two favorite cookies, not twelve different kinds to make, to allow space in me for kindness to be my natural place to come from.

Creativity, can be supported so many ways in this season of celebrating and giving.  Thoughtfully crafting gifts together, and for each other, is my favorite part of doing the holidays with my boys.  As we create together, we can choose how to show kindness and share our love with others, we can talk about making choices in our materials that support our love of nature and a healthy environment.  If we don't have time or desire to make it all, we have a blast looking to the creatives in our community to support.

If you often feel overextended and hard pressed to really tap that feeling of JOY we all hope for in this season, try to take a moment with a cup of tea or glass of wine and really relax into dreaming, start with five core values, what's really important to you?  How do you love to use your time?  What do you want for your loved ones to experience?  How about health? And what's your hope for our environment?  How about your community?

When you have a handful of values that feel really true to you allow yourself to write, in no fancy perfect way, just spill it out onto the paper.  Explore all the ways that the things you do in the holidays may, or may not be, consistent with your values. Begin to imagine how you might feed your loved ones and support your values.  How your might gift and support your values.  How you might facilitate magic for your loved ones and take exquisite care of yourself. How you might have conversations with your children about the choices you are making to support your values, so that they can see you living from a values based framework.

Once you have some clarity and inspiration consider who else you need to communicate with, who else plays a big role in creating the way you make your way through the celebrating, what might they need to know to help support your values aligned vision?  

It was really important to me that we be clear about our intention of not filling our home with plastic toys when the boys were young and that needed to be communicated to all the many people that would be lovingly gift giving. We were clear that we did not want to add to the landfill in this way, as is inevitable with plastic toys, so giving other meaningful alternative suggestions.

I always get a signal, loud and clear when I'm not in integrity with myself, it shows up as agitation, or even anger.  Anger is about boundaries, so always I look to where in myself I was unclear about a value and how I allowed that value to be dishonored, how I have not made or held strong boundaries around the important parts of me. 

We can also identify values for the way we wish to feel in this season, so that we have a guide for cultivating kindness, peace, calm a sense of giving or whatever is true for you.  I wrote more about this in Natural Mother Magazine last year and your can read that article here.

Wishing you all abundance of joy and time with your loved ones this cozy winter season!

 

go home and love your family

"What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your FAMILY." ~ Mother Theresa.

 

 

So simple, right?  And not always easy.  There are days at home that feel so far from peace and perhaps that's as it is meant to be.  I let the idea of "peaceful" parenting go, a good while ago.  It's not always peaceful and calm.  What I am committed to is parenting consciously, from a place of awareness and choice.  I am committed to this place we call home, and these souls I am blessed to call family.  I am committed to growing in our moments of conflict, growing into our more capable peacekeeper selves, growing into our more skilled eyes-open committed to win-win cooperation dynamic selves.  I am also committed to doing the sometimes hard work to continue to be able to bring the me I want to mothering.  I want my interactions to be thoughtful, and of my own design, not of reactive unexamined patterns.  I'm on this journey, right along side so many beautiful mothers and fathers who are also committed to parenting consciously.  We embark on a refreshing journey this Monday, November 30th. For three weeks we will walk together through my favorite tools for peace-keeping even when it's not peaceful at home.  

This is the best way that I know how to "go home and love your family!" and what could be more precious this season?

I would be honored to have you join us for Conflict To Cooperation With Your Child.

 

WHO IS THIS COURSE RIGHT FOR?

This course is designed for parents and educators who want to enjoy an effective way of parenting in relationship-with their children. This course is created for those who are dedicated to not just surviving parenthood, but thriving. For those who desire a life of meaning and who are eager to dive in and see what sort of magic they can create in their own homes this is it.
You are already open and curious, eager to learn, conscious minded and compassionate and you know that nurturing connected, loving, healthy relationships with your children is the most important job you will ever be tasked with and you know that it's not light work.

YOUR 3-WEEK LIVE – VIRTUAL COURSE

You will embark on a journey with a community of other conscious minded parents and educators, you are totally welcome to go at your own pace or allow me to guide you each step of the way. The journey will take you step by step through this process, honing in on your unique way of using the tools. We get really clear on what the big picture is in your child’s developmental stage is at this time, we’ll be discovering sensory tools, unique to you and your child to help sooth and regulate your emotional state in highly charged moments of conflict, our journey will take us into the art of empathy and ways to creatively problem solve together. We will also look at relationship repair, how do we repair when a rupture has occurred so that we can maintain clean lines of connection between us.

COURSE HIGHLIGHTS

~Mindset shift necessary to make this jump possible.
~Deepening connection and understanding through conflict.
~How to raise emotionally intelligent children.
~Clearing the obstacles that are keeping you from moving forward
~Five specific steps for moving through conflict to cooperation.
~Implementing the P.E.A.C.E. process with more than one child.
~Tools for managing big feelings when they arise.
~Repairing the relationship when a rupture has occurred.
~Creative problem solving together

 

THIS IS FOR YOU IF:

• You’re ready to effectively make your way through Conflict to Cooperation.
• You have a hunch that the missing piece of the puzzle is clarity and confidence around how you do conflict – what space you hold in these times.
• You want to raise children with a high level of emotional intelligence.
• You know that the tug-of-war you are experiencing isn’t moving you closer to your desired relationship with your child.
• You know that the peace and calm you experience in your home rests on your steady leadership.

 

JOIN US:

To join us, visit my GoFundMe Campaign and make a donation of $20 or more to support the Thriving Families Mission (this course is normally $147). With your donation, please leave a message indicating you are exited to join us for Conflict to Cooperation on Monday!  

Go HERE to register!

If you are waiting for the 'right' time to take this course, don't wait any longer, I'm not sure when or if it will be offered next year!

 

IN THEIR WORDS...

"This is so profound and deep on so many levels Mariah!. I found it to be absolutely invaluable, not only with my children, but in every single relationship I have." ~ Monique

"The Rupture and Repair audio is super powerful for me. Mariah, I think it may be the one that gave me the single biggest Aha! in the journey I've been on with you and your precious work in 2015" ~ Sarah

"Good Morning All, I just want to share with Mariah that I have listed to Day 6 (Caring with Empathy) about 3 or 4 times now and I'm just so enjoying how you weave together your own experiences empathizing with your sons and really diving into how empathy sounds, looks and feels in situations them. You are truly a gifted storyteller and empathy guide." ~ Heather

 

 

Real men don't cry

 

Last night I came home late, everyone was sleeping already, I crawled quietly into bed, hid my head under the covers and just cried.  I don't exactly know why, and it didn't matter, there were feelings building up, worries for my children, a mounting burden of concerns that needed to flow out of my body to make space for love again.  I sometimes think that I can solve more than I can, or I find myself scheming what else I should be doing to help build a more peaceful world. When I ask the question, the answer always comes back to me, "stay the course, keep doing what you're doing".

My heart goes out to all of us, to all of humanity, in this turbulent time.

This is a challenging chapter of history to be parenting in, I'm guessing it's felt similarly at many points in time, for different reasons. I find that after a large traumatic story hits the news my inbox receives a surge of messages from concerned parents trying to navigate in light of the recent news.  Questions like, "how can I myself make a difference so my children inherit a better world?" or "how do I help my children to understand what is going on?" and concerns like, "my daughter is suffering more anxiety attacks since hearing.......how can I help her?".

I wear these cuffs to remind me what I'm doing, and why that matters.  'Peaceful Warrior' reminds me that there is clarity, aim, and commitment needed to do my part in guiding in more peace into our world - one family at a time.  'We Are One' presences me to the fact that we all belong to the tribe of humanity, we may look differently on the outside, we may think differently, we may live in very different realities, and that said we all feel pain, joy, desire, we are all of this earth.  We all want a world for our children to grow up and thrive in. And we're all responding to our current situation with our best attempt to get our human needs met.

So, how do we parent in this wild world?  How do we, or don't we, share the latest awful news, with our children? When there is no way to shelter them from the horrid truth of things, how do we guide them in a way that makes them stronger, and not more depressed, hopeless, and riddled with anxiety?

It is said that Crazy Horse would only lead the men who could cry, into battle because he knew them to be the most trustworthy, he knew them to be the strongest men.  The men that could cry had a means of purifying themselves of the trials of being a warrior.

There is great wisdom in this advice, wisdom that we collectively lost somewhere along the way when we began parenting our boys to 'stuff it'.  

There are no added benefits to exposing a young child to the mass media coverage of one horrible assault on humanity after the next.  There are too many children who are suffering first hand.  When we are able to provide a childhood free of the horrors of this world, which is what I believe every parent wants, our children grow with a sense that the world is good. Humanity is good. When they are older they have a sense that there is hope and something worth working towards, there is beauty to return to when things get hard.  This will be the inner feeling that they carry as they mature and enter into a knowing of all the complexities present in their young adult life.  We need young adults who have a sense of beauty, and goodness, to continue moving humanity towards.  

And you know what?  It's true!  This is a beautiful world, filled with precious humans with beautiful hearts and there is, indeed, so much to keep moving towards.

I advise keeping our homes a safe haven, free from the news, free from the searing images, free from adult conversation and drama surrounding each episode of violence.  Make your home a place of love to retreat to at the end of the day.  Be clear and steadfast in that intention.  As the holidays are approaching, maybe take some time to get clear on what your intention for celebration-table conversation is, tip it to joy, lead the conversation swiftly back to joy if it should veer towards the tragic!

When our children are a bit older and they are reading the headlines in the newsstand and talking to people out and about in their daily lives, they are more awake, and more exposed, we can continue to support them in coming to know the world and it's current challenges in a way that doesn't make them feel doomed or apathetic. We can, even in this wild time, create hope and a true feeling that there is so much goodness.

When our children have questions about something they heard or read, by all means, have a conversation with them. Sharing with them from a place of empathy for the lost and confused. Even the ones committing horrible crimes are human, and they must be hurting something horrible inside to be able to do what they do.  Keep the conversation simple, don't go over and over rehashing it with loads of drama inserted, but rather ask questions to hear what it's like for your child to be hearing this and imagining how this could possibly happen.  Listen for their fears, help them to feel safe and comforted again.  Look for the helpers, in every atrocity, there are way more people there to help, there to lift up after the fall, look for them, name them, talk more about them than the bad.  

Our children feel the emotion in the images they see, they feel the emotion that arises in their own body, as they hear a horrifying story. It is our job to help our children process these feelings.  Keeping it bottled up inside leads to illness in one form or another. It is of absolute paramount importance that we have a solid process for helping them move these feelings through their body.  Our emotional expression, our tears in particular, are cleansing.  When we don't emote, when we don't allow the feelings to come flowing forth, we block ourselves to vitality.  We can not truly block one feeling type, say anger or sadness, and not also block our ability to feel joy and happiness.  Read that again.  it's huge.  When we block one emotion we also block the others.  Do you want to feel true happiness?  You must be able to feel grief, and we need to have a process for helping our children feel their feelings as well.  

For the past three weeks I've been working closely with a group of parents around this very topic of feelings and ironically the same process that I use to give my children space to move through their feelings, so that they can remain strong, healthy, in touch with their inner guidance and trustworthy, as Crazy Horse knew it, is the very process I use to move through Conflict to Cooperation with them as well.  It is a powerful set of tools that we have been diving deeply into and I'm inspired to offer this course one more time this year... You can join us by making a small donation to the Thriving Families Mission campaign. We begin on Monday November, 30th!  Content is delivered to your inbox every other day for three weeks, our weekly Q&A call and class discussion space will support you further and I promise you will feel better equipped to hold space in a healthy way for all the feelings that arise living in this wild time and also to handle conflict in a way that is effective and healthy. 

Let's raise strong children in a chaotic world, and enjoy more peace, calm and connection in our homes!

 

Much love,

Mariah

 

Like a vortex of magic...

Our words are stunningly powerful, they have the power to tear down or build up, open doors or slam them shut.  I watched a beautiful video some time ago about a tribe that, rather than punish a member for going astray, would powerfully remind them of their true self.  They would surround them in a circle and speak only the uplifting truth of who that person really is, they know that we are all created good, beautiful, whole beings of love. If we are committing hurtful acts unto others there can be only one reason, and that is because we are hurting, hurting inside from the forgetting of who we really are. This tribe knows that it is their place to reflect back to them, until they remember, the glory of their true self.  

(If you happen to know what video I'm talking about, I would love that link again, so please pass it along so I might share with everyone here. Thanks.)  

In thinking proactively, what if we were to begin a practice of love-bombing each other on a regular basis?  What if we strengthened the muscle of really noticing the other.  Really noticing how awesome that musician was you watched last night, how she seemed to become one with her fiddle and make magic ring through the air, and then share that unabashedly, let her know, even if she's a stranger.  What if we noticed more of the greatness in our loved ones, and less of anything else?  How much would that mean to our loved ones if we shared their greatness that we see out loud so they could see that we see their greatness. 

When I'm working with clients who are finding their way through a rough patch and feeling stuck seeing it play out, over and over in just one way, one little exercise that I often suggest is to keep a list of evidence to the contrary.  Say they are really stuck feeling that their child is always unhelpful or defiant, I will have them become a detective for any evidence that begins to break the myth of that story, any little time their child is willingly helpful they will write that down on their list.  The list is meant to be kept somewhere that is seen often, somewhere they can pause and replay that positive moment in their mind's eye.  By doing this simple exercise the story begins to shift, and we begin to see the truth a bit more clearly. In this way the story we think of as truth itself, begins to change.

Now here's the real kicker, what if we allowed that reflection of our greatness to really sink in...  What if, the next time someone reflects your greatness back to you, you close your eyes and breath in for just a moment, let it settle.  Rick Hanson, author of Hardwiring Happiness, talks about our brain having a bias for the negative. It makes sense evolutionarily speaking.  We want to remember the danger spots, the berry that might kill us, right?  This is a great mechanism for surviving, but not so much for thriving.

Most of us are conditioned to think that it's somehow wrong to acknowledge ourselves when we show up our best, we spend way more time harping on our faults, playing them over, again and again and again, in our mind, strengthening the truth of that negative story in our brain, no wonder it's so hard to rise to our highest potential.  What if acknowledging our greatness gave our children the permission to do the same, to be their awesome self, and feel content in that existence.

A beautiful teacher of mine and magician of writing prompts, Hannah Marcotti, blessed us with the inspiration to be bold, to collect, to dig out of the dusty corners the evidence and stand in the shining glory of our reflection.  To feel graced by the love notes, encouragement, true words that our dear ones have taken the time to gift us with, that is what's desired when we offer a gift of kindness isn't it, for it to be received?

So with a deep breath, I hear your kind words, I accept your words as truth.....

 

She said....

"Mariah, thank you for being the light of possibility"

She said, "You are an amazing inspiration."

She said, "God bless you for making it your business to be the sanity you wish for in this world."

She said, "We've been really challenged this week in my house. I don't know what I would've done without all the tools I've found within myself thanks to my work with you."

She said, "You are a beautiful leader and mentor for me."

She said, "thank you for being such a good friend and great listener."

She said, Thank you for holding space for me."

She said, "You embody Mama Earth, your vibe is radiant and beautiful."

She said, "I love this Peaceful Warrior and her strong stand for Hope."

She said, "Thanks for answering your call and for shining a light in our communities which so sorely need it!"

She said, "You are truly a gifted storyteller and empathy guide"

She said, "Your energy and insights are just like a vortex of magic!"

She said, "thank you for being you."

She said, "I love you, Ri."

 

When I find myself in the darkness of the waning moon, with corresponding lackluster energy, and in the midst of that blah and my mind begins to doubt, and sadness tries to creep into the space that sleep is meant to inhabit, I do believe that these words will anchor me in truth. When I need to feel my tribe encircle me, comfort me until the energy of the rising sun has returned, so that I might remember who I really am, and that my work in the world indeed matters, I will hold your words close and breath them back in to my being!

It's not about your child!

I've been living in a delusion that my work, my parent coaching tools and process, is most useful for parents of older children, say three and up - you know, once they are really pushing our buttons!  Today I was given a gift when a mama of a thirteen month old baby joined the Q&A call I was hosting.  Our conversation reminded me once again, in a new and more poignant way, that it's not about our children.  I know, crazy, right? We spend so much of our energy worrying about them, doting on them, scheduling and cleaning and planning and even dreaming for them, and it's not at all about our children.  

Perhaps your daughter is thirteen months old and hitting you in the face repeatedly.  Perhaps your daughter is thirteen years old and "talking back" at you.  These things happen, it's real life parenting here.  Babies hit and teenagers assert themselves. Have you been there?  I certainly have.  

It's not about your child.

I shared this with a coach who mentored me for years, I so respect her, she giggled and said, "point the finger at someone else, and there's four fingers pointing back at you." So true. Before we let our feathers get ruffled, or our hackles raise, as they sometimes do when we start pointing fingers, let's pause.  I'm in no way trying to set you on the defensive, or add more undo pressure to myself. We already expect a lot of ourselves and want to show up as our best version, I know that about myself, and I'm guessing the same is true for you.  It's best if we keep this lighthearted and come from a place of humor.  Humans are funny, and we're even funnier when we're in the throughs of parenting children.  

So what the heck do I mean when I say that it's not about our children? In any situation there are myriad different ways that our human brain can make meaning of that thing, that word, that action.  As external stimulus comes in from the world around us, perhaps that's in the form of our child hitting or back talking, our brain makes some meaning of that, creates a story about that stimulus that was just received.  From that story we feel a certain way, angry, sad, frustrated, and from that feeling we act, we respond.  Our response might be shutting down emotionally, it might be an outburst of rage, it might be laying a gigantic guilt trip, or blanket of shame, on the other person...our response is as unique as we are and it's generated by the way that we are making meaning of our external world.

External stimulus -> brain makes meaning -> emotional response is triggered -> react or respond to stimulus.

 

(I've never shared this picture before because, well, it could be seen or made sense of in so many different ways, and that is the point of this post)

 

Where we can get hung up is in the place of believing our story.  "Our story" is built over a lifetime of layered experiences and the meaning we make from those experiences.  It might be that very early on we experienced some social interaction where we felt rejected, and from that place we developed a self-concept of being an outsider.  With this new "outsider" self-concept we began to see the world in that way. Every time we came in contact with a situation that proved we were indeed an outsider this self-concept grew stronger and more validated.  In time all we see is the evidence that this is truth and we become certain we really are an outsider.  What we might be missing is all the evidence to the contrary, because our ego is so busy proving it's story right, not because there isn't evidence that we belong and we are actually well loved, because there is.

Let's go back to hitting or back-talking. Those are bad ways of expressing, right?  Or what if they're not?  What if it just is, and from there we get to decide what we do with that. What meaning would you really like to give that action?

Our thoughts about our children are super powerful.  The concept, or image, that we hold of our children has a tremendous influence on them, their development, and the relationship between us.  We can open doors of wild possibility for our children or shut them in a box, just with the concept of them that we choose to hold.  I know that you and I are both deeply craving all the possibilities in the world, the very best world, for our children, so play with me here for a moment.

What if hitting was great?  What if a thirteen month old baby repeatedly hitting is a sign that she is thriving, exploring, learning, so engaged with her senses and becoming her most brilliant self through hitting?  It's possible that's exactly what's going on.  She's a sponge right now, taking in the world around her in an entirely different way than you and I do at this phase of our development.  Her brain is making stunning amounts of neuropathways as her neurons fire with every experience and they wire together creating superhighways of meaning about the world around her.  So hitting could be "bad" and perhaps a link with physical expression, and feeling uncomfortable or disconnected from mom, could be wired in her brain. This could happen if mom made meaning, such as "she's being mean to me and she's going to be a hitter for life" and mom's response from that meaning was dismissing of the activity or a withdrawal of love or anger.  

What if hitting was just movement and searching for stimulus?  Mom might respond from that meaning of hitting in an entirely different way, maybe she would smile, maybe she would get out pillows and hit them with her baby, maybe she would create a game around hitting and really encourage physical exertion and exploration of cause and effect. Maybe she mirrors this energy, exploration and exertion.

How about that teenager who is talking back?  What's the story there? It's really common for us, as adults, to have a story around, "I'm not being heard.  No one ever hears me.  I have to yell to be heard around here."  What if we knew we could, and would, be heard?  How might that shift the tension in our bodies?  What if it's not defiance or disrespect, but a awesome super-confirmation that your child is growing up to trust her own voice, and she feels safe enough (high five) to share and express herself with you?  What if her "back-talking" meant that she would indeed grow up to be a leader and not a follower?  What if you knew that she now had the skills to say no, when she really needs to, and you could relax about all those scary situations she could find herself in between thirteen and twenty-three?  Phew, what a relief right? So how might you respond differently from this story verses that story about "no one ever hears me, no one cared what I have to say, you're just being disrespectful and not listening"?

It's both easier and harder when we hold the mirror up to ourselves.  I find that we often need others that we fully trust to hold that mirror up for us, or ask the provoking questions, that shine a new light in our dark corners so that we can see more clearly.  The easier part is that the world around us, and our most precious relationships, can and do change as we change, we have the power to do that, it's inside of us, not them.  The harder part is that we get to do that work, we release the desire to point the finger and demand them to do the work, we get to own our experience as ours.  It's our creation, your creation, my creation....what shall we make of it?

 

the holidays as you wish

The holidays are just about upon us, I can already feel the flurry in the air, invitations are arriving, lists are being made, expectations mounting, even the holiday blues settling in among some.  Add in about eight birthday celebrations in our inner circle, myself, Travis and the boys included, and phew...it could be exhausting just writing it!  But, this is actually my favorite time of year.  I love Autumn and Winter in it's full breadth, I always have!

After becoming a mother, rekindling my crafting desires, committing to slow food, and feeling pulled to everything D.I.Y. in the name of showing my children how it's done....the holidays began to feel like quite a stretch.  I found myself in the midst of trying really hard to make a beautiful experience for my children, but short on sleep and presence, over extended and under joyful.

Still wanting to create a season of magic, wonder, connection, celebration, warmth and memories, I set about finding a better way for myself, and my family to do this.  My intentions were always to create this experience, I was just going about it in the wrong way.  I began to look back to my own childhood memories and explore what stuck,  what really made an impression on me, what didn't.  More often than not the really simple things made their way into my heart.  Remembering my Grandmother's house on Thanksgiving, immediately I can call up the smell of the feast in the making, and attached to that smell are feelings of belonging, love, joy and celebration.  I recall the love my mom put into creatively wrapping each gift and how I smiled unwrapping every bit, but I have no recollection of what it was that I unwrapped, only the love.  The sound of the fire crackling at my Dad's house and the care with which he tended it so that we could all enjoy the warmth cozied around together.  It's the little things that I attached to the feeling state.  It is the feeling that we call up when we remember.  It is, in fact, this feeling state that we are trying to create with all of our actions, but often we are unconscious of what that feeling state really is, and we miss the mark.

I have found that by taking some time, before we are in full holiday swing, to get clear on the experience we are wanting to have we are better prepared to actually create it for ourselves.  So, step one to the holidays as you wish is: clarity! How do you really want to feel this holiday season?  What feeling state do you want to experience?  These are your values, if you will, for the season.

Once we have clarity around the values we are living by this season, step two is committing to living by them. This is where the practice comes into play, the practice of being discerning, and staying true to you.  This isn't to say we don't include our beloveds, we do, it is to say that we are committed to staying in alignment with our values regardless of whatever cultural pressure there may by to do otherwise. 

If you would enjoy more of this conversation I invite you to join us this Sunday, November 23rd for a one hour tele-class.  On the call we will cover all four steps to creating the Holidays on Your Terms  I will also pass on some effective communication tools for having empowered conversations so that you are fully prepared to communicate clearly how you would like to walk your walk through this precious, tender, inward time of year! 

To join the free Community Conversation: Holidays (and all days) on Your Terms register HERE.  Can't make the call? register anyway - I'll send you the recording for you to enjoy anytime.

Wishing you the very best of the season.

Warmly,

Mariah Joy

 

 

 

sage mothering intensive

 

The first Sage Mothering Intensive was truly my dream come true!  I love my work with private clients, and my heart was telling me that the mothers needed to circle, to support and learn from one another. Watching the magic of mothers in circle unfold has been nothing short of aw inspiring. Many women have asked how they can participate from afar, or simply without getting in their car.  I'm so honored to answer this call, to meet the need, to see more dreams into the light of day!

 

Live Virtual Sage Mothering Intensive ~ Begins October 26th, 2014

In the words of a dear client..."This is so much more than information, it is a full transformation of my parenting experience." 

 

The Power:

~ In an intimate circle with mama-sisters you will make powerful shifts in your parenting experience with full support from me, and your new tribe. 

~ Learn from one another in sacred circle, and find comfort in shared experience.

~ M.A.P. your unique path in parenting through your "My Attunement Plan"

~ Release that which is no longer serving you to make room for being present right now.

~ Shift to see the opportunity for connection in moments of conflict and implement a gentle and yet powerful process for moving through difficult situations while building emotional intelligence.

~ Develop habits to aid in rewiring those pesky old ways of reacting that are no longer serving you.

~ Learn how to model healthy boundaries, while living in alignment with your core values.

~ Set limits that peacefully stick and raise self confidence in your children at the same time.

~ Transform communication in your adult relationships through Empowered Conversation, remember we are modelling for our children how to be adults all the time!

~ Harness skills of deep empathy for yourself and for our children.

~ Raise the level of emotional intelligence in your home.

~ Give your children the tools and confidence of being deeply in touch with their own emotional experience in life.

~ Identify your needs as a woman, and take empowered steps towards seeing that they are met.

~ Remember how to play and celebrate as a family!

 

Who is this for?

~ This is for you if you are a super-committed mother, striving to raise your child peacefully, without punishments, shame and blame.

~ This is for you, if you know we are intended to walk a higher path in our parenting practice with a supportive tribe surrounding us and you are ready for it!

~ This is for you if you are striving to raise strong capable leaders, and you crave support in your noble effort.

~ This is for you if you need effective communication tools in your parenting relationship.

~ This is for you if you intend to maintain a healthy relationship with your child, one built on trust and open communication, through the teen years, and into adulthood.

~ This is for you if you tell yourself you will handle the situation differently next time, but it happens again – you snap, you react, you fall into that old pattern.

~ This is for you if deep down you wonder if maybe you are too easy going, you wonder if maybe you really do need to set some limits, but you aren't sure how to really be heard.

~ This is for you if you are striving to give your children the very best you!

 

How we circle:

~We meet live for a 90 minuet group coaching call for 10 consecutive weeks.  During our call we will connect, learn from each other, share in this deep mothering journey, support each other, and receive individualized attention specific to your unique parenting situation.  All calls are recorded for you to listen to again and again.

 

Content Delivery:

~ Audio classes delivered weekly.

~ Guided meditations to help you easily make shifts where desired and let go where needed.

~ Handouts

~ Journal prompts

~ Prompts for making your new parenting tools visible through art (if you are so inclined)

~ An Empathy Sister, this is another mother in our group you will have the opportunity to bond with and support each - this often leads to deep friendships.

~ A secret Facebook Group just for our group, moderated by Mariah.

~ After course completion you will also be invited to join the larger community of Sage Mothers.

I often hear from clients that each next step in this process met them exactly where they were needing to be met that week!!!

 

Buzz...What Sage Mothers are saying:

"As a mother, a Waldorf teacher, and a practitioner of Yoga Philosophy, the teachings of Peaceful Parenting have brought together my desire to live a balanced connected life with those I love and those I care for.  Mariah has given me the courage and tools to create a feeling of connection, respect and love within my family and within my classroom." ~ Julie Hitchcock MA Child Development

"You are OPEN, strong, and tenacious in your belief in us Mariah. I love that. It is like that saying that sometimes another believes for us when it seems the chrysalis is still too inflexible to release the butterfly. Not that you can do this for me. But your heart is so wide with love I can't help but make the leap into flight." ~ Shelly, MFT

"The safe container to express ourselves is one element I most appreciate about our circle, the ritual and meditation are all great tools to ground us to a place where we can journey through our work as a group, it put's us all on the same page and helps us create connection amongst our sister-mamas." ~ Kyla

"What makes this class so REAL for me is the fact that you are so REAL and in this experience WITH us, not just preaching to us!" ~ Kristie

 

To Register: e-mail Mariah at: [email protected]

Subject line: "Sage Mothering" 

we'll schedule a time to talk this week.  Each group is carefully crafted so that you have the very best experience. 

***Course almost full!

This is not light work, though it is a joy! This is indeed an investment of energy over the next ten weeks ~ if committed, the benefits continue a lifetime and affect generations!

Standing for your greatest experience in life and parenting!

Mariah Joy

 

 

 

perspective

He circled back to me on that dusty trail, I had fallen behind trying to capture beauty too big for my lens.  "Mama, can I take a picture?" he asked.  Taking the camera, without an ounce of hesitation, he laid his whole body down right there in the dirt and thorns.  Cranking his head up just high enough to operate the camera he proceeded to rattle off twenty shots, each one stunning! 

(my image)

(Image by, Gavin)

Thanks, my boy!

Note to self: Move your body. See it from all angles. Change your perspective.

The next day, a dear client in my Depth Study Sage Mothering Circle said "this work is a full perspective shift".  It's not about changing or fixing our children, it's about seeing in a new way, and therefor being, and feeling, totally different in our parenting experience - changing perspective.

New light.

Our world can begin to look the same without movement.  At the prompting of Hannah Marcotti I am seeing myself, and my work, through the words of others, as given to me in conversation, text, email, letter, comment.  I dare you to join me, take a look from a new perspective. Here is what she (the women of my community) said:

She said, Good morning Beautiful

she said, thank you for understanding

she said, I so appreciate your willingness

she said, remember you are a bright light, and blessing many

she said, you rock

she said, you really DO rock

she said, you are so REAL and in this experience WITH us

she said, totally love you for sharing this

she said, Hot damn this is liberating

she said, you are OPEN, strong, and tenacious in your belief in us

she said, your heart is so wide with love I can't help but make the leap into flight

she said, you're planting seeds everywhere you go

she said, those tears are vulnerability and healing

she said, I see them circled around you

she said, your smile is infectious

she said, your presence is grounding, juicy, reassuring, sparkly, loving, compassionate

she said, you so got this!

she said, tenacious believer.....hell yeah!

she said, loved your talk

she said, thank you for sharing your gift

she said, You are a beautiful soul

she said, I love you, Mariah, Peaceful Warrior, Paradigm Shaker :)

she said, You are so dear to my heart

she said, I love your deep mother love

she said, I'm so happy and grateful that you are my bookend

she said, maybe it's a sign

she said, sending happy light

she said, I know you will shine

she said, you are a leader

she said, you are changing families lives forever

she said, breath

she said, may the force be with you....

 

And also with you,

Mariah Joy

brave space!

I've been on a journey, and very quiet about it. I've been wondering to myself why that is. Truth is, I blog all the time in my own head.  I love the conversation here in this space - with you!

This past week I got it. The silence is clear.

I was on retreat with my tribe of Peaceful Parent Coaches.  We were asked to take ourselves back to the start of our journey, "what was it like before you decided to become a parent coach? What did it feel like at night when your head hit the pillow, how was your heart? What was on your mind? What questions were you asking.... and not finding the answers to? What did you hear in your home? Really....what was it like for you?"

I felt into this question, to really see it, and hear it.

Then she said, "imagine yourself traversing a bridge, this bridge is the journey you have been on, now on this side of the bridge - what does it feel like in your relationship with your child? What does it feel like to be you? What does it look like?"

I've been on a deep journey of transformation, and the words to describe the shifting, changing, and settling have been hard to come by.  This is deeply personal, this transformation of my heart.  It is the reflection of my own being that has shifted and changed. I'm not the same woman I was two years ago when I took that leap of faith, the first step to cross the bridge.

Did I know where I was headed, and how it would all look when I got here? No way.  I didn't even know how to take the first step until it was done.  I just knew in my heart that I owed it to myself to take that scary first step, to invest in myself. I knew that my boys came here to be mothered by me because they trusted I would bring my very best self to the job. They deserve the very best me!

I kept asking: how do I take the next step? Where are the funds to invest in my family, in me? How do I make the time? How do I trust that feeling in my gut is right? Show me how! I never closed the door. Looking back across that bridge...phew, words that fully express my gratitude are hard to conjure up.

Today I'm holding a really brave space for continued growth, expansion and transformation for myself, and so many others.  Today, I'm inviting you, willing and brave souls, to fully embrace your next step, whatever that may be. Believe in you. Ask how....keep the door to your greatest potential open, and walk through it.

Today, I'm committing to sharing my journey with you, in this space. I am embracing authenticity, bravery and vulnerability in community, right here, right now!

With so much love,

Mariah